Funeral Etiquette

Funeral Etiquette

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Many of us are unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to interact and respond to their feelings of sorrow. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting.

When Should I Visit?

Once you learn of someone’s death, visiting the family at their home is appropriate, but the funeral home is the best place to visit with family members and offer your condolences. For anyone wanting to visit and offer assistance to the family before services are held, these actions can provide additional comfort. Offering to bring food, household necessities, assist with childcare and handle any errands or chores are a few of the things you can do to assist the grieving family.

What Should I Say?

This is the most common question asked by someone wanting to pay their respects. While no words can adequately express the depth of a loss, offering a few kind words to the family of the deceased lets them know you care. Try to avoid airing your grievances or saying the deceased is in a better place now.

Where Should I Sit?

Many people attend funeral services and are unfamiliar with seating arrangements. Typically, at both the funeral and visitation service, the first rows of seats are reserved for family members. If you are not a part of the family, choose a seat behind the reserved seating.

What Should I Do?

Arriving on time is very important. When entering either the funeral home or another location, enter as quietly as possible. If you are attending the visitation, speak to the surviving family members and offer your condolences before taking a seat. Cellphone use during a service is inappropriate. If you feel you must answer a message or call, excuse yourself and walk into another room or outside.

What Should I Do About Children?

While there isn’t a definite answer to this question, a child attending a visitation or funeral service depends on the situation or relationship to the deceased and their family, as well as the age of the child and whether or not they can appropriately behave. If you decide to take your child to any service, explain what will occur while at the service and how they should act during that time.

What Should I Give?

Sending flowers to the funeral home or home is an appropriate way to offer condolences. In some cases, the family members may ask for donations to be made to a particular foundation in lieu of flowers, and those wishes should be honored. Bringing food to the grieving family is another way to show respect to those who are suffering from the loss. A less expensive and completely appropriate option would be to send the family a sympathy card. There is no specific time or expiration on when cards can be sent.

Frequent Questions

Click on the questions below to reveal each respective answer.

  • What is a funeral?

    A funeral is a ceremony for celebrating, honoring, and remembering the life of a person who has passed away. While specific customs, traditions, and practices differ across different cultures and religions, all funerals serve the key purpose of giving the bereaved a special time and place to say goodbye and find comfort and healing in one another.

  • Why have a viewing?

    A viewing—also known as “visitation,” a “wake,” or “calling hours”—can involve an open or closed casket, and is seen as a vital part of the grieving process. Having their loved one present often helps family and friends to accept the reality of their loss, especially for those who may not have seen him or her in a while. The opportunity to come to terms with the death and say a final farewell is an important step on the road to closure and healing.

  • What is the purpose of embalming?

    Embalming is a process used to sanitize and temporarily preserve the body of a person who has passed away. It can also enhance the appearance of a body that has suffered damage from an accident or illness. By preserving the body through embalming, we can give you and your family time to make personalized and meaningful arrangements, including a viewing if desired.

  • Is embalming required by law?

    No. Except in rare circumstances, embalming is not required by law. However, most funeral homes do not permit public viewing without embalming. If you decide not to use embalming, we will work with you on a case by case basis to decide if private or public viewing is an option.


  • What should I say when I run into the bereaved in public?

    Kind words. Thoughts of the deceased if that is on you heart. Be sincere and kind.

  • Can I plan in advance if I choose cremation?

    Yes. Plans can be made in advance for burial and cremation options and there are many variations to choose from.

  • What can I do to help later?

    The grieving process doesn’t end with the funeral, and it will take time for the bereaved to heal. The family will need your support for months to come, so make sure to check in on a regular basis. Drop a note, make a phone call, and continue to invite them when you make social plans; they’ll let you know if and when they are ready to participate. Reach out to the family on special occasions, like birthdays or anniversaries, especially during the first year following their loss.


  • Should I bring my children to the funeral?

    The best way for children to learn about funerals and beliefs is to be taught by their parents. Use your own judgement about the maturity and behavior of your children and be mindful that a fussy child may not bother you but could be stressful to those grieving a loved one.

  • What do funeral directors do?

    A funeral director is a licensed professional who specializes in all aspects of funerals and related services. They provide support to the family, guide the arrangement of visitations and funeral ceremonies, prepare the body according to the family’s wishes, and ensure that everything goes according to plan. They also arrange for the removal and transportation of the body throughout the process, and assist families with any legal or insurance-related paperwork they might need to file. They’re experienced at recognizing when an individual is having an extremely difficult time coping with a loss, and can provide extra support and recommendations for professional help if needed.

  • Can I personalize my service? (“Is ____ okay?”)

    Absolutely! Our staff has years of experience getting to know families and incorporating their loved one’s hobbies, activities, interests, and unique requests into meaningful and memorable services. Don’t hesitate to make a request because you think it might be too “out there”—we’re honored to work with you to create a service that truly reflects and celebrates your loved one’s individual life journey.

  • What do I do when a death occurs while out of town or away from home?

    It’s important that you contact the local medical authorities first (as well as the police, if appropriate), and then make sure to give us a call as soon as possible. We will work with you to make the necessary arrangements to get you and your loved one back home as quickly and easily as possible. Calling us will also help you to avoid duplication of efforts and fees.


  • Can I still have viewing and funeral services with cremation?

    Definitely! In fact, we encourage you to do so. Choosing cremation only indicates how you’d like to care for your loved one’s physical remains, and doesn’t exclude you from celebrating and honoring their life in any way. Whether you’d like to have visitation beforehand, arrange a funeral service before cremation, or wait and hold the service after the cremation, we’re happy to help you design a meaningful service to accompany the cremation.

  • How long does the cremation process take?

    There are a few factors that can change the process but generally your loved one can be returned to you in 2-3 days. However, the manner of death and legal forms can sometimes delay this time.

  • How can I be sure that the remains I receive are those of my loved one?

    First of all, cremation of multiple bodies is illegal in the US and many other countries, so the cremation chamber is not designed to hold more than one body at a time. In addition, cremation is a regulated process with strict procedures we follow to ensure we’re holding our services to the highest standard possible. All necessary paperwork and fees must be completed with local authorities, and then a checklist is completed at the crematory. A metal disk with a unique ID number accompanies the remains from the time we receive the body throughout the cremation process, and after cremation occurs we attach the metal disk to the bag containing the remains. Knowing the level of respect and meticulous care with which we treat your loved ones physical remains, you can rest assured that you are receiving only your loved one’s remains.

  • Where can I scatter my loved one’s cremated remains? Are there any restrictions?

    Yes.  There can be restrictions when scattering on public or private land and waterways. It is a good idea to obtain permission from the land owner or proper officials before placing or scattering your loved one’s cremated remains.

  • Can we have a viewing if my loved one has donated organs or had an autopsy?

    Yes. Autopsies and organ donation generally does not affect your ability to have an open-casket visitation.

  • What is a columbarium?

    A columbarium is a place for the interment of urns containing cremated remains. They’re often located in mausoleums, chapels, or memorial gardens, and contain numerous small compartments, or niches, designed to hold urns.

  • What should I wear?

    When attending the visitation of a family member or friend the atmosphere is a bit more relaxed allowing more flexibility in your wardrobe. It is common for people to visit the funeral home straight out of work, leaving church or at times they were already in the area so casual clothes such as jeans and work clothes are acceptable as well as dress clothes.


    When attending the funeral of a family member or friend dress becomes less casual but it is still important to wear what makes you comfortable. Muted colors such as blacks, tans, browns, greens, blush pinks etc. are common to see in the funeral setting. It is important to remember you are there to show your support for the family and they will be happy that you thought of them in this time.

  • Is it okay to only go to visitation or the funeral and not both?

    Yes. Many people are unable to attend both events.

  • Where should I sit?

    During visitation there are generally no restrictions on seating. If there are reserved seats for the funeral they are usually designated with reserved markers on the seats. All other seats are available for you to choose.

  • Should I go to the cemetery?

    This is a personal choice. Unless it is requested to be a private committal everyone is welcome to attend the committal at the cemetery.

  • How do I express my condolences?

    Be kind and sincere. It is alright to just say “I’m sorry”

  • What to do if I arrive late to the service late?

    There are usually extra seats in the rear of the chapel. If you arrive late this is generally not a good time to go to the casket for viewing, especially if the service has started or is about to start.

  • How do I know service times?

    The services are posted on the obituaries on this website and other social media locations. When in doubt call the funeral home for assistance.

  • Where do I park?

    For our funeral home it may be more convenient to park in the rear or front of the building depending on the location of the visitation. Please feel free to call for assistance.

  • Do I need a vault?

    Kentucky State Law does not require a vault. However, cemeteries may have their own regulations that require a vault or outer container.

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